I feel like at the beginning of every new year there is always a rush of people pledging themselves to unattainable goals. They miss the mark almost immediately and then think “fuck it” may as well just give up! Having bipolar I think this is an unhealthy process. We spend so much time trying to balance the all or nothing attitude that it can be quite damaging to our confidence when we fail.
For several years now I just pick a word to focus on. Something that I let mull around in my head that brings me joy and helps me focus a little. This year it is “creativity”. Over the last month or so I have been quite unwell. While I clawed myself out of the shit pond I had found myself in, I re-engaged purposefully with the activities and routines that keep me well. Which has included: Listening to positive podcasts that have challenged my thinking, reading books that encourage creativity, writing, photography, playing my guitar, and cooking in the kitchen. Not to mention getting to bed early, eating healthily, upping my exercise, and adding some new medication to the mix.
Once again I am reminded that when I stifle my creativity by becoming busy with work, or not making it a priority. Then I become toxic in mind and spirit.
The problem is being creative doesn’t make me any money. Often I can find it hard to give myself permission to work on something that is just a passion project. Such as this blog. But when I am in my creative space I am my most positive, happy, and free. I am not bothered by thoughts that ruminate and negative self-talk. I am feeding my ‘good wolf’. I woke up this morning and said to my husband ‘can I leave work and just focus on being a full-time creative?’ He just looked at me and said ‘I don’t even know what that means. But it sounds like it would be very unhealthy for you’. What he was implying is that good old-fashioned work where I have to turn up to a desk gives me routine and also helps me stay connected with human beings. I think he had visions of me locking myself in the office and scenes of a beautiful mind being reenacted. This is what I touched on earlier the desire to put my foot fully on the accelerator, rather than having a balanced approach.
Whatever your aspirations, goals, thoughts are about the kind of year you want 2018 to be I hope they are realistic, healthy and balanced.